brent(inWorship)

First of all, let me say this. This post has nothing to do with beer. Unless of course you are drinking one while reading it. I just couldn’t think of a title

Anyway, I wanted to talk about 2 different things that have gone on the last month. One was an opportunity to fast with the 40 day fast, while at the same time I began a 30 day challenge given to me by a friend. The other opportunity was last week, when I headed north to Portland with a couple friends to the Willow Creek Leadership Summit.

First, the 40 day fast and 30 day challenge. When I joined up with the 40 day fast, my hope was to introduce a discipline into my life that I have never really been involved with. Fasting. My intent was to take the month and spend quality time with Jesus. the other was to highlight a specific day that I could pray for our local Pregnancy Center. My “intent” and His outcome are often not the same thing. I did spend the 30 days in focused time, I also did not eat food for an entire day and spent time praying for the pregnancy center. But none of that matters, does it. Not unless I actually met with Him. I’ll come back to this.

This last week, I spent 3 days with a couple other Pastors and friends in Portland at the Leadership Summit. I really had no expectations, except that I wanted to listen and be attentive. I had nothing to assume, because I had not been a part of this conference before. The conference was incredible. The line up of speakers were impressive. The host church we were at was great. I got to hang out with Tyler, a great blog friend and I now have some new blogging friends as well, Jay, Chad and Janet. What a great crew of arts and worship people from Sunset Presbyterian. In the past when I have attended conferences, I often was going with an agenda. I learned very quick that what I was there for and what God had to reveal to me were often 2 completely different things. This time, I waited patiently on God to speak. And He did.

Over the last month of spending time with Him, He was consistently revealing to me that I need to continue to release everything in and around me that will draw me away from knowing Him. Pure and simple. My thoughts, my ideas, my desires. However well intended these are, they can still draw me away from Him or at least to a distorted interpretation of who He is. I want everyday to know Him more clearly and powerfully. But this scares me. What about my life has to change? Well everything. What do I have to be willing to lose? Everything. What can I hold onto? Nothing. Don’t get me wrong, this is not about possessions. This is about desire, pride, want. It is about everything that I as a driven, creative, impatient man am. Everything I cannot be, to allow Him to be revealed.

So God continually revealed to me, that I am in too much control. Too much holding. Too much pursuing. But for what? My desire has always been to please Him. But my desires can take on form and then they please me. I can’t do that. My time with Him continued to reveal this to me and my time this week at the Summit just confirmed that. I was so taken, by the overwhelming emphasis on “abandon” at the Summit. Phrases you often hear at “leadership” conferences, are things like “Bring it on”, “Be Confidence”, “Do it with Integrity”, “Make the tough decisions”. I heard those this week. But none of them were spoken to prove or show success. They were all spoken in relation to abandon. An abandon in surrender to God. Releasing control over life and letting Him direct and guide. Go for it…Make the decision…Bring it on!

I am determined to do just that. Release all control in reckless abandon! I don’t know what that means. I don’t care. He knows. I don’t know where I’ll be, or what I’ll do. I don’t care. He knows. I cannot live life as a person that I’ve created. I have to live completely as His creation.

So how will this happen? Honestly, I have more questions than answers I have no answers, only hope in Him. Tonight, we are going to have some family prayer time. We are going to take time to talk to our kids about what this means. How God sees our comforts and how we need to see Him in all of it. We are going to take time and pray this prayer…”Bring It On”. Not in arrogance, not in want, but in abandon. We are going to pray for His plan in everything we are and do. I heard an amazing statement this week at the Summit. the speaker said, “Quit following your clock and follow your compass”. What is guiding me? The speaker went on to say, “Just because I am leading and people are following, does not mean that I am doing this to God’s glory. Are Jesus and I really interested in the same things? Do not let your spiritual life become a list of things you do, to get them over.”

So, I refuse to let anymore of my life, get in the way of His life fro me. Will you commit to praying for us as we walk this new journey? Would you also please take a moment to ask yourself these same questions? This journey is not just about me and my family. It is about all of us. I loved what the speaker had to say, “When we choose to follow God beyond our control, beyond safety, beyond the crowd, we will experience Him.”